Innermost Feelings

So, I went to Lexis Penang Suites for one night with my friends despite our busy schedule. And must I say, it is one of the few things that made me happy this year. I saw both sunset and sunrise, ate good food and had a pretty good laugh. The vacation was very much needed. Would absolutely love to come again.   Looking at the ocean somehow felt liberating and made me believe there is more to life. I wanted time to stop for once in my life. It wasn't even because of the people I went with but honestly it was the blue and sometimes red sky before it turns black, the ocean breeze that briefly and swiftly took away my worries and the white sand together with the ocean that both clinged to my feet that somehow made me.. Happy. Love, MNN. ✨

 As of today, (Dec 19) life hasn't been so good to me. Well, its me. Obviously. An overthinker, a loser. I couldn't help but feel and think that I'm not going anywhere. I've been diverting my attention towards things I can control but the things I can't control just won't stop barging in my head. Why am I not worthy of the love that everyone else receives? Why am I stuck where I'm at? Why do I look like this? Why do I feel this way? I just hope all of these feelings will go by soon. I want to be free. Love, MNN. 

I feel rejected. I feel as if nobody wants me, I'm not enough and am meant to be alone forever. Its not like I have just gotten rejected. Well, not physically nor verbally.  But I'm sure some of you can understand this. The feeling that arises when you look at couples being in love and cuddly while you're alone and lonely. You start questioning when is it your turn or will your turn ever come. Why does everyone who came into your life didn't stay and choose you.  Rejected and dejected.  Love, MNN.